Starting something new
and how to get ready for change.
These last few weeks, I’ve strangely had a lot of Britney Spears repeating in my head. She’s been telling me that I’m stronger than yesterday, asking me why I cry, cry, cry in the lonely dark, and, lastly (arguably, most importantly), exclaiming you better work, bitch! I suppose I should listen to the icon, right?!
So, on Monday, I’m starting a new job! (Thanks Britney 😂)
There’s been no lack of reflection on the stack lately from seasons of life to struggling to figure it all out. “It all” being the hefty, undulating, and often nauseating thing of life. And sometimes reflection can feel like lack of progress instead of intentional stillness.
I don’t think loud announcements or grandiose life changes have to be the only marks of significant moments in one’s life. I’m no stranger to living in the in-between and in realizing that the middle is far more crucial to progress than the point of change itself.
How to prepare for something new
After my surgery, my sister and partner gifted me a journal beautifully bound in a soft leather-like cover, embossed with my initials, and inscribed with loving messages to fuel my healing. It’s been sat waiting patiently for over a year for me to be ready to write something in it. Some months, I avoided it. Others, I forgot about it altogether.
This week, finally, I cracked the cover. I re-read the messages they wrote to me, a soft tear crowning on the crest of my eyelid as I did, and I picked up my pen and wrote.
There’s some things, some words, that are expressed and are never to be shared. But it’s in that expression that I ready myself for something new.
I think there’s a certain context which lends itself to readying ourselves, one that’s:
quiet,
calm,
with a mind that’s humming but not buzzing,
a willingness to consider the possibilities,
and a tasty, hot beverage.
And if journalling is not your thing, perhaps a walk or run. Lay in the sunshine. Work on your romanian deadlift PR. Sit in your favourite chair in solitude. Go for a long drive. Play some loud (or quiet) music. Build something. Plant something. Do nothing.
But I guarantee you, the context stays almost entirely the same.
When your brain is nearly ready, it will send you the signal, and that’s precisely the moment you have to give it a little nudge.
A framework for now-to-next
Thinking deeply about life is hard work — I like to take a four-part approach to help me focus: question, articulate, take a meta-view, and map out the bottom-line. Below I’ve included the questioning portion. It’s designed to help shift away from chaos and toward focus.
Simple questions, pointed and intentional, are immensely helpful in getting clarity, and I’m someone who’s guilty of getting mired in asking all the questions! This approach is great if you’re feeling unprepared, require a bit more guidance, or simply feel a decision is too significant to rush through.
Honestly, for me, the toughest question in this set is the last one. It’s a simple question on the surface, and articulated here, it’s designed to force us to simplify our thinking and be ever-critical of what really matters.
What if my brain is never ready
If my overthinking has taught me anything, it’s that I’m simultaneously ready and not at all ready for anything at all times. Each of our brains are different, have different capabilities and capacities, ways of intaking and considering the world, and ways of interrupting and enhancing how we move through it.
However you process information and whatever supports you might need, I simply want to emphasize that readiness is solely defined by you.
If a tool doesn’t work for you, then throw it away. Building your own is an awesome thing to do but can be incredibly daunting.
Most important is learning and knowing yourself so you can identify those signals and cues. And so you can cut out the overwhelm when it matters most. Like many things, it comes with time, but it can be trained and strengthened. Remember, your support system, inclusive of people, tools, and all sorts of mechanisms, will be what you call upon. Even just one of these can mark the difference between languishing and relishing.
Letting go of what might have been
There’s a lot of grief that comes with change. And I’ve learned my brain will take every little opportunity to remind me of what I’ve lost, what I could’ve had or done, and what might’ve been.
I haven’t yet unlocked the secret to make that grieving any easier. Does anyone? Even my therapist has told me the same thing (and frequently), which is that time, grace, and finding joy are the ways to let go.
And yet if we’re stuck there — wherever there may be — it can be really hard to be present now.
So the only thing I can confidently say about letting go is that I’m not so sure we ever really do. We can change our perspective and/or our circumstance, and through that we create the illusion of moving forward, but the forward part doesn’t really matter, it’s what we do with the experience.
Trade all-consuming change for in-the-moment acknowledgement
When I’m able, the thing that helps me most stop the swirl and escape the overwhelm when faced with newness and change is to go back to what I can control. Sometimes that’s the decision in front of us, and sadly sometimes it’s not. When your world gets turned upside down and shaken violently like a kid with snow globe, the hardest thing to feel is grounded.
Unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take in a big belly breath and remember to focus on what you can control, like the following:
Set the context and environment that sets you up for success.
Ask the questions that matter and get to the heart of the change.
Embrace the people and tools that will support you through this.
Know that it’s ok to grieve.
And be in this moment as much as you can.
Lastly, even when you’ve decided to do the new thing or even after the new thing has started, keep staying in the in-between. I know I want my in-between mindset to continue. Why? Because it’s given me a license to try, to stumble, and to rediscover.
How cool is that?
thanks for reading
simren 🔜